Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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