I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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