he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
