Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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