Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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