just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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