sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize