Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
