I love black thongs
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
