i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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