He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
