it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
