Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
