i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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