he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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