You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
