I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
