ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
