Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
