So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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