girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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