i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
