aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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