My nipple is on Facebook.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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