So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
