She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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