why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
