ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize