I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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