If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
