is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
