Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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