So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
