Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
