allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
