She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
