So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
