I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
