So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I lost the right to judge tonight
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
