My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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