fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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