Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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