We're facebook friends in real life
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
