Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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