He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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