I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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