Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
