Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
