so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
