Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
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I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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