i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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