I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
