i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
