I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
