Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I could fuck to npr.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
