hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
