why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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