The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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