You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
