I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
