Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
