So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
