I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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