I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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