How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
