dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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