I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
