I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
