Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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