I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
