Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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