I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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