He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
