so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
