He uses pillows to masturbate.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
