I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
