My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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